Today's blog is a very personal and emotional for me, so I ask that while you are reading, you just try to keep that in mind:)
I am very much a gullible person. One of those people who always falls for the 'Hey there's something on your shirt! and then get hit in the face joke.'
When it comes to certain topics I try and keep my mind shut off. The best way I can describe it is, it's like having a door and I have to keep it tightly closed from certain evils. If my door is just even barely cracked open, then doubt will come rushing in to spring the door wide open. A tiny little crack can cause doubt to flood my mind.
Calvinism has had this effect on me. The talk of pre-destination and only God's beloved being the ones who make it into Heaven, admittedly in the past has made me doubt my own salvation. Chris and I have had great in-depth conversations with others who are calvinists. These talks were always very informative and I enjoyed getting to talk and learn from these other people. But for myself, I would leave these talks with my mind spinning and a heavy heart. I know that the root of all my confusion is that I haven't studied the topic more and really don't know much about calvinism at all.
If I start questioning God about if he only had Jesus die on that cross for certain people, then I start questioning him about other things.
Jesus do you really love me?
Am I one of your so called 'selected few' while I am so unworthy?
Since these talks usually start to make me doubt I try to stay away from them. I know Jesus died on that cross for me, and I know my name is written in the lambs book of life. I've chosen to stay away from things that I personally don't understand.
My opinion is that we should not question God. Who are we to start questioning why he did things, or why he does certain things? I believe that there are topics that as human beings, our minds are not capable of understanding, and trying to determine God's reasoning is one of them. We are not like God, because he is the all-mighty one, not us.
With all that being said, I have had this weird, strange fear of John Piper. I know.... crazy. I guess the only thing I really know about him is that he is a preacher and is a big calvinist. I know people love him, infact many family members and very close friends sing of his praises and how he is simply 'amazing.' But I have always been curious of Mr. Piper and wanted to read one of his books.
Since in the past I have had moments of doubt from calvinism, I didn't want to read his books or writing because I didn't want to be persuaded to his reformed way of thinking. A sweet gal at church in Amite, and someone who I want to be like one day, named Casey, started posted some quotes from John Piper on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I decided to ask her about him and about calvinisim and explain my feelings. She gave me such encouraging feedback and shared a few laughs on how silly it is that I have let something affect me so:) She told me to try and read one of his sermons.
The past week I've been studying his sermon called "Whatever is not from Faith, is Sin," and wow! He really is good! I'm not gonna sit here and write that I have jumped on board the "Piper Bandwagon" but my eyes have been opened about what exactly sin is and how it has had a grip on my own life. This sermon didn't make me question my beliefs at all. In fact, I even learned that I kinda liked using a sermon as my Bible study reference. I think next I'd like to study one of Billy Graham's or Charles Stanley's sermons.
I know my writing may seem negative toward calvinism and I want to make it clear that I love all of those who have spoken to me about their beliefs. I have enjoyed learning about God and his love for us through our conversations together. Learning about calvinism has allowed me to grow in my own faith, and be a stronger Christian. I am very thankful for that.
I Believe God sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die for our sins.
I Believe his intentions are for every man, woman, and child to get to spend eternity with him in heaven.
I Believe that as a Christian I should try to share his word and love with as many people on this Earth as I possibly can, so that they too, may make their own personal decision to follow him and allow him in their lives.
Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all.
1 Chronicles 29:11
