Friday, January 3, 2014

our blessing

For the past year and a half Chris and I have been trying to have a baby. For the past year, we have been really trying by tracking everything.

 (Girls... even't if you aren't trying to get pregnant, I totally say you need to download an app on your phone and start tracking now. You have no idea how much I wish I had been tracking everything sooner!)

Like I was in la-la land, I thought getting pregnant was going to be easy. It happens everyday to people, even people who aren't trying to get pregnant, why wouldn't it just happen quickly for us? Yeah, give it 3 months and we gonna have a bun in the oven, well it's not always that easy! For me I would have really long cycles, then really short cycles, and even months were I didn't ovulate. Tracking all this and using ovulation strips, makes it a lot easier to look back and see how regular, or irregular, you are. 

After several months of trying, in June we were so excited to finally get a positive on a home pregnancy test. The timing seemed perfect, we were going to be going home soon to spend a week with our families in Georgia and we could tell them all our exciting news in person. It all just lined up. I got a positive on my last test in a pack of three after using them over a couple of days. I was late and even had a little bit of nausea. I got my positive on a Friday, and had a doctors appointment on the following Tuesday. They had an opening and we were excited. 

Chris came with me to the appointment and I remember we were both sitting there wide eyed and nervous, not knowing what to expect. They called just me back first and had me go to the bathroom and the nurse did all her usual stuff by asking questions and taking blood pressure. I was sitting in the little office chair and she did a pregnancy test on the counter in front of me. She held the stick up and just went, "huh.. well let's try again." She did another test, and I just sat... in silence. She turned and looked at me and said, "Honey, both my tests came back negative, it looks like you might have gotten a false positive."

Who get's a false positive on a preggo stick? I remember thinking how that is just a joke. I understand false negatives but had a little trouble with the whole false positive thing. I went and got Chris and we talked to my doctor. She told us it was something called a "Chemical Pregnancy" and that can mean a lot of different things. In my case, she said it could have been my hormones playing tricks because I just wanted to get pregnant so badly or maybe the egg just didn't attach to the uterine wall. Even though chemical pregnancies fall under the "miscarriage" umbrella, the exact cause of them can be very hard to detect. With mine being so uncertain, there is no definite reason as to why I received that positive. I imagine it was probably just a faulty test. 

Through that whole process I only cried once. That may make me sound like I didn't care about it, but I prayed and and believed that we would get pregnant, it just must have not been in God's timing yet.

Back in January I wrote a blog post about my Bible verse theme for the year. It was:

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:14 

He knew what he was doing when he led me to this verse and I have repeated it nearly 10 times a day through this year. From that moment on, before every pregnancy test I took, I said a prayer asking God to help me with patience as I wait for his will and not my own.  

On November 16th I got a positive on a home pregnancy test, and I kept getting positives, unfortunately I was unable to get a doctors appointment before Thanksgiving, so the whole time we were home with our family celebrating Chris and I kept our secret. I wanted to be sure before we told anybody. Not being able to tell my Mama, my best friend, was so hard, but after our experience I just felt like I couldn't chance it!

Now as everyone knows, we confirmed out little bit at an ultrasound and got to give our families the best Christmas present ever! We are so excited for July, and our blog is now totally going to be overrun with pregnancy posts from now on. We live 3 states away from the nearest family, and I plan on using the blog to keep everyone informed with pictures and humorous stories of our mishaps! 2014 is going to be our best year yet! 

If you are reading this and trying to get pregnant, just remember that every pregnancy experience is different. My prayer for you is that you will have patience and wait for the Lord, for He is sovereign,  loves you more than your mind can even comprehend, and everything happens in His time. 

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